And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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