you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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