You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize