I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
