The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
