Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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