AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
They have beer where we have blood.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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