I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
third nipple confirmed
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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