when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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