why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
