if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you still have your period?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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