Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize