Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
