So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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