Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
