You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
