She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
