Swine flu is the new snow day.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
