we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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