Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
