The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I want a musical about memes.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
