it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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