I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize