Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
