Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
