Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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