it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
