I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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