I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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