I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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