I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
