I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize