I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
