made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
