I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
