the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
