you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
