fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
