Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
