did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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