i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
