TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
