There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
