Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Randomize
