i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize