i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
