Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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