I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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