Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
