were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
