I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
