I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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