My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
