zippers are such a cool invention
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
