if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
