wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
