so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
