I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
