Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
