my room smells like sperm. sweet.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
