i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I love having hate sex.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize