a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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