I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
