I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
