why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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