I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
