She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
