Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize