Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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