Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
