They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
