I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
