i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
