New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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