Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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