shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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