WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
