We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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