Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
