planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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