So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
